My family and I went out of town last weekend, driving to Tennessee for a family funeral. It was approximately a seven hour trip, plus an additional hour through the mountains to get to our hotel near the funeral home. If you know me, you would know that these are two of my least favorite situations to be in, ever.
I have struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life. My mom tells me of times when I was younger that I was fearless - confident in myself, unafraid to get on stage in front of a crowd to sing and dance around. It would take a lot of effort for me to remember those times, they're so long gone. In recent years, my fear of crowds has subsided some, and the fears of death and traveling have boiled over the surface.
I have struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life. My mom tells me of times when I was younger that I was fearless - confident in myself, unafraid to get on stage in front of a crowd to sing and dance around. It would take a lot of effort for me to remember those times, they're so long gone. In recent years, my fear of crowds has subsided some, and the fears of death and traveling have boiled over the surface.
A year ago, I made the decision to go to my doctor about anxiety medication, my problem was getting to the point where I couldn't function normally. I cried and had panic attacks every night before bed. I was afraid to leave the house for fear of there being traffic and me being stuck on the road. I felt helpless, and really did need help. The medicine worked well for a while. Well enough that I thought I could handle the world on my own, so I stopped taking the pills - cold turkey. What a mistake. A few months later the panic attacks were back, and I was back to feeling helpless. I came to the doctor again for medication, when I found out I was pregnant. Lord, what am I going to do now? I wondered. It was simple: God had to sustain me. I couldn't keep giving medicine the responsibility of getting my life together.
The first few months were unbelievably difficult, but I am so thankful to God that I no longer need medication to go on these spur-of-the-moment seven hour trips, or to sit through a funeral service of someone I loved. The trip went flawlessly (ok, so that's not true. The baby did cry throughout parts of the trip). There was no panicking and no, "pull over at this exit, now!" There was no hyperventilating, upset stomachs, or fear. Instead, I closed my eyes and thanked Jesus every hour that passed that I was ok. That part is so significant. Thanking Jesus. Thank you Jesus, because without your help I could not do this. Thank you Jesus, because I've made it another hour without being anxious. Thank you Jesus, because I know worrying does nothing for me - it only causes me pain. Thank you Jesus, for being right all along.
So many of us struggle with anxiety. I have been encouraged and enlightened by how many people around me struggle with a lot of the same things I do. Let that be an encouragement to you too, if you're reading this and wondering when it's going to get better. I've learned a lot of things by struggling with anxiety, but the biggest is that you can't do it alone. You may want to, but don't. Let others in. Talk about it. Be honest about it. And then, let go.
In the mean time, enjoy this reminder I've created for myself. Download it, make it your phone wallpaper or computer background. Stay encouraged!
The first few months were unbelievably difficult, but I am so thankful to God that I no longer need medication to go on these spur-of-the-moment seven hour trips, or to sit through a funeral service of someone I loved. The trip went flawlessly (ok, so that's not true. The baby did cry throughout parts of the trip). There was no panicking and no, "pull over at this exit, now!" There was no hyperventilating, upset stomachs, or fear. Instead, I closed my eyes and thanked Jesus every hour that passed that I was ok. That part is so significant. Thanking Jesus. Thank you Jesus, because without your help I could not do this. Thank you Jesus, because I've made it another hour without being anxious. Thank you Jesus, because I know worrying does nothing for me - it only causes me pain. Thank you Jesus, for being right all along.
So many of us struggle with anxiety. I have been encouraged and enlightened by how many people around me struggle with a lot of the same things I do. Let that be an encouragement to you too, if you're reading this and wondering when it's going to get better. I've learned a lot of things by struggling with anxiety, but the biggest is that you can't do it alone. You may want to, but don't. Let others in. Talk about it. Be honest about it. And then, let go.
In the mean time, enjoy this reminder I've created for myself. Download it, make it your phone wallpaper or computer background. Stay encouraged!