Last week it was really on my heart to bring up the topic of miscarriage, and start the conversation about something that isn't oftentimes talked about. I did not know that last Wednesday was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It seemed fitting then to talk to some other moms I know who have experienced this all first hand.
I reached out to Lindsay after reading a very long and heartfelt Facebook post she shared recently about her miscarriage. I explained to her that I wanted to interview her about her experience, and she was so sweet and willing - she shares a lot of her heart today, not only about her miscarriage but about all of her birth experiences, struggles she faced postpartum, and tricks to juggling two kids...with another on the way!
I reached out to Lindsay after reading a very long and heartfelt Facebook post she shared recently about her miscarriage. I explained to her that I wanted to interview her about her experience, and she was so sweet and willing - she shares a lot of her heart today, not only about her miscarriage but about all of her birth experiences, struggles she faced postpartum, and tricks to juggling two kids...with another on the way!
1. Tell us a little about yourself!
I am 24 years old. I have been married to my wonderful husband for three years and some change. We have a daughter named Parker who turned two in June and a son named Boaz who turned one last month and are currently expecting our next blessing sometime late May early June of 2015. We currently live in Florida but spent the last three years in Okinawa, Japan. I am a birth enthusiast who loves helping women know their options and supporting them as they welcome life into the world. I love strong coffee, anything pumpkin flavored, both interior design and mommy blogs and watching this adventure of a life the Lord has given me unfold.
2. What were some similarities and differences between both of your birth experiences this far? What do you hope your next delivery to be like?
My birth experiences so far have actually been quite similar if you were an outsider looking in however, the birth of my son, healed some of the emotional wounds of my first birth. Both kiddos were born overseas in military hospitals, with the presence of my husband and wonderful doulas. My daughter’s labor lasted 33 hours and my sons 23 hours, so I am hoping for 13 this time! My first was an induction for hyper tension. I felt scared and completely out of control from the start. I had planned for a natural birth and nothing else so when those plans got thrown out the door before I even walked into the labor room, I already thought I had failed. Although my daughter was healthy and perfect, the feelings of failure overpowered me for the first few months of her life. When my daughter was 4 months old I began a six month period where I met with a psychologist once a week and worked through what we now know was postpartum anxiety. The days during this time were very dark but with the support of my husband, counselor and mainly turning things over to the Lord, I was able to see that there is a bigger plan then my own. I was able to use the feelings of failure to open a door to educating myself so I would be prepared the next time around. We found out were pregnant with my son just six months after my daughter’s birth. I was terrified. However, I knew I that if my plans did not work out again I was prepared. My second labor was augmented and many interventions happened but I played the main role in what was done to me and there was never a time that I felt unprepared. This was not the plan once again but because of what I learned the first time I was able to experience what was meant to be a joyous experience. My hopes for this next birth is to find a provider and support system to help me achieve the medication free birth I desire however my main goal is to trust Gods plan, to remain flexible and not allow any negative to affect the beautiful act of bringing a child into the world.
3. Can you describe some of the feelings you felt after knowing you miscarried? Was there any support that stood out to you as being particularly helpful?
My son and daughters pregnancies were not necessarily planned, we literally considered the idea and BOOM positive pregnancy test. However when my son was five months old we began throwing around the idea of a third. It took seven months this time and we were absolutely thrilled when I got a positive. I don’t know why but a miscarriage was never a possibility in my mind. I knew they happened but I believed that was not a valley the Lord would ever have me cross through. I was wrong. We celebrated for a wonderful seven days, we imagined what the baby would be like, we praised the Lord for the honor of raising another child and that baby was incredibly loved. When I realized what was happening I was crushed. I did not know how to react. Many people said at least it was early but what does that even mean? I found absolutely no comfort in this. My child that I had just a day before dreamed of holding in my arms was fading away and I had to accept that this was something that I would never enjoy in this life. My heart still hurts and throughout each day I have to force the negative thoughts and anxieties not to overpower the current joy I have while carrying this child. Many women quietly shared their experiences with me and this was the most supportive. People simply recognizing my miscarriage as a loss of life meant more than I can even say. My husband encouraged me to find a way to memorialize our baby and now I daily wear a raw emerald ring, the emerald would have been their birth stone and I chose raw to symbolize the emotion we feel. The wounds are still fresh and I believe over time I will learn more of what God wants me to learn through this trial but until then my prayer is that my experience will allow me to one day bring glory to God by being able to offer support to another because no one deserves to feel so alone in a time of loss.
4. How did your first child react to having a sibling? How do you anticipate your second child reacting to a younger sibling?
My daughter really had no idea what was happening throughout my whole pregnancy. We would point to my belly and say baby and she would then go on to call everyone’s belly a baby so I do not think it clicked. She was only 15 months when he was born so still required quite a bit of from us. Those first few months were filled with lots of tantrums and even more grace. However now they are best of friends and she calls him Bo-Bo which makes my heart smile. Parker will be turning three just before or after this next baby’s arrival and I believe she will be ecstatic to have a baby in the house however I will admit I am terrified of how Boaz will be. He is most definitely a momma’s boy and I cannot see this changing anytime soon. So I will be praying fervently for patience, guidance and wisdom when the time comes!
5. Is there anything you have learned that has made parenting two children easier? What differences did you notice in your parenting when you went from being a mother of one, to a mother of two?
The number one thing I have learned while parenting two versus one is sometimes you have to let it go. With my daughter my house was always clean, she had a schedule, we did age appropriate activities carefully planned out, I cooked elaborate meals, volunteered my time for all sorts of extracurricular activities, I crafted, I made time to exercise and shaved my legs daily…. And now well, it’s different. My house is nicely decorated but toys are scattered about, laundry gets the best of me, I rotate through the same ten meals, routines are just insuring three meals a day, age appropriate activities have become sticking a gate at the bottom of the stairs, closing the bathroom door and destroying the entire downstairs until daddy comes home. I wear baggy shirts to hide the 10 pounds that really needs to go and shorts are for the weekends when I can take a shower long enough to shave my legs. Life with two is complete chaos but oh my goodness do I love it! And I am absolutely thrilled to add another to the mix!
I am 24 years old. I have been married to my wonderful husband for three years and some change. We have a daughter named Parker who turned two in June and a son named Boaz who turned one last month and are currently expecting our next blessing sometime late May early June of 2015. We currently live in Florida but spent the last three years in Okinawa, Japan. I am a birth enthusiast who loves helping women know their options and supporting them as they welcome life into the world. I love strong coffee, anything pumpkin flavored, both interior design and mommy blogs and watching this adventure of a life the Lord has given me unfold.
2. What were some similarities and differences between both of your birth experiences this far? What do you hope your next delivery to be like?
My birth experiences so far have actually been quite similar if you were an outsider looking in however, the birth of my son, healed some of the emotional wounds of my first birth. Both kiddos were born overseas in military hospitals, with the presence of my husband and wonderful doulas. My daughter’s labor lasted 33 hours and my sons 23 hours, so I am hoping for 13 this time! My first was an induction for hyper tension. I felt scared and completely out of control from the start. I had planned for a natural birth and nothing else so when those plans got thrown out the door before I even walked into the labor room, I already thought I had failed. Although my daughter was healthy and perfect, the feelings of failure overpowered me for the first few months of her life. When my daughter was 4 months old I began a six month period where I met with a psychologist once a week and worked through what we now know was postpartum anxiety. The days during this time were very dark but with the support of my husband, counselor and mainly turning things over to the Lord, I was able to see that there is a bigger plan then my own. I was able to use the feelings of failure to open a door to educating myself so I would be prepared the next time around. We found out were pregnant with my son just six months after my daughter’s birth. I was terrified. However, I knew I that if my plans did not work out again I was prepared. My second labor was augmented and many interventions happened but I played the main role in what was done to me and there was never a time that I felt unprepared. This was not the plan once again but because of what I learned the first time I was able to experience what was meant to be a joyous experience. My hopes for this next birth is to find a provider and support system to help me achieve the medication free birth I desire however my main goal is to trust Gods plan, to remain flexible and not allow any negative to affect the beautiful act of bringing a child into the world.
3. Can you describe some of the feelings you felt after knowing you miscarried? Was there any support that stood out to you as being particularly helpful?
My son and daughters pregnancies were not necessarily planned, we literally considered the idea and BOOM positive pregnancy test. However when my son was five months old we began throwing around the idea of a third. It took seven months this time and we were absolutely thrilled when I got a positive. I don’t know why but a miscarriage was never a possibility in my mind. I knew they happened but I believed that was not a valley the Lord would ever have me cross through. I was wrong. We celebrated for a wonderful seven days, we imagined what the baby would be like, we praised the Lord for the honor of raising another child and that baby was incredibly loved. When I realized what was happening I was crushed. I did not know how to react. Many people said at least it was early but what does that even mean? I found absolutely no comfort in this. My child that I had just a day before dreamed of holding in my arms was fading away and I had to accept that this was something that I would never enjoy in this life. My heart still hurts and throughout each day I have to force the negative thoughts and anxieties not to overpower the current joy I have while carrying this child. Many women quietly shared their experiences with me and this was the most supportive. People simply recognizing my miscarriage as a loss of life meant more than I can even say. My husband encouraged me to find a way to memorialize our baby and now I daily wear a raw emerald ring, the emerald would have been their birth stone and I chose raw to symbolize the emotion we feel. The wounds are still fresh and I believe over time I will learn more of what God wants me to learn through this trial but until then my prayer is that my experience will allow me to one day bring glory to God by being able to offer support to another because no one deserves to feel so alone in a time of loss.
4. How did your first child react to having a sibling? How do you anticipate your second child reacting to a younger sibling?
My daughter really had no idea what was happening throughout my whole pregnancy. We would point to my belly and say baby and she would then go on to call everyone’s belly a baby so I do not think it clicked. She was only 15 months when he was born so still required quite a bit of from us. Those first few months were filled with lots of tantrums and even more grace. However now they are best of friends and she calls him Bo-Bo which makes my heart smile. Parker will be turning three just before or after this next baby’s arrival and I believe she will be ecstatic to have a baby in the house however I will admit I am terrified of how Boaz will be. He is most definitely a momma’s boy and I cannot see this changing anytime soon. So I will be praying fervently for patience, guidance and wisdom when the time comes!
5. Is there anything you have learned that has made parenting two children easier? What differences did you notice in your parenting when you went from being a mother of one, to a mother of two?
The number one thing I have learned while parenting two versus one is sometimes you have to let it go. With my daughter my house was always clean, she had a schedule, we did age appropriate activities carefully planned out, I cooked elaborate meals, volunteered my time for all sorts of extracurricular activities, I crafted, I made time to exercise and shaved my legs daily…. And now well, it’s different. My house is nicely decorated but toys are scattered about, laundry gets the best of me, I rotate through the same ten meals, routines are just insuring three meals a day, age appropriate activities have become sticking a gate at the bottom of the stairs, closing the bathroom door and destroying the entire downstairs until daddy comes home. I wear baggy shirts to hide the 10 pounds that really needs to go and shorts are for the weekends when I can take a shower long enough to shave my legs. Life with two is complete chaos but oh my goodness do I love it! And I am absolutely thrilled to add another to the mix!
THANK YOU again Lindsay for your honesty and willingness to participate! <3