Good afternoon, friends! I hope that your weekends were productive, and that your Monday has been relaxed! Wind down and take a minute to meet today's mom, Vicky! Her willingness to be so open and honest to these questions was very much appreciated - we both hope that her answers will touch and encourage mothers who are, or have been through the loss of a child, at any stage in life.
Vicky - thank you again for taking the time to let us get to know you!
Vicky - thank you again for taking the time to let us get to know you!
1. Tell us a little about yourself!
My name is Vicky and I am a fourth grade teacher in Newport News. My husband and I moved to Virginia about 3 years ago for his job. We have been married for a little over three years. We've experienced recurrent pregnancy loss, three to be exact, and we are currently 33 weeks pregnant with our daughter Abigail.
2. You open up about your miscarriage in your own blog – did people treat you differently after hearing the news? What was the one question that kept reoccurring (or was there one)?
I do open up about miscarriage on my blog. I feel it is extremely important for others to be made aware of miscarriage so they may help someone in a time of need. Or so they may find some help if they ever find themselves in a time of need.
My first thought to "did people treat me differently" was not at all. But I was thinking about it from a negative perspective. There were people that treated me differently though. There were friends that opened up about their miscarriage(s) that I had NO idea they'd experienced this type of loss. There were some people who gave every idea of condolences you could imagine- from "it just wasn't meant to be" to "at least it was during pregnancy and you didn't have to experience the loss of a living child."
The question that recurred after each loss could boil down to "why you?" I never had an answer to that question though. Why me? I don't know. What I do know is I've been able to help others understand what it feels like to experience recurrent pregnancy loss. I've helped others understand sometimes we (those that experience pregnancy loss) don't need you to fix us, we just need someone to sit with...cry with...pray with...and sometimes even just to pretend everything is normal. So, why me? Maybe I had to endure all of this to show others that even though it sucks, we will come out a stronger person.
3. What were your initial feelings when you realized you were pregnant? What do you remember about that day and the events leading up to finding out you were pregnant?
My initial feeling when we realized we were pregnant this time was fear. On edge. Reluctant. Fear of the unknown. On edge to wonder if this was the baby we'd meet on this side of Heaven. Reluctant to feel any kind of excitement for fear of losing this one too.
My husband and I went to South Carolina to visit my family during my spring break from teaching. I started feeling sniffly and just plain icky towards the end of our visit but I chalked it up to the weather changes and the nasty pollen. On our way back to Virginia, I felt terribly ill with nausea...I couldn't handle the drive at all. I just wanted to sleep and hope when I woke we'd be back in Virginia. Something told me to take a pregnancy test but I knew it was going to be negative. It was too early to tell! It was only a week and a half after my last cycle. So when we got home I tested, knowing it would be negative. There was no way I could be pregnant. We'd been tracking everything. It was the absolute longest three minutes of my life. Since I knew it was going to be negative, I didn't tell my husband I was testing because I didn't want him to get his hopes up. Well, it was positive. Very positive. No doubt about it positive. I ended up finding a baby boy outfit and a baby girl outfit that we'd stored from my sisters, put them in a gift bag, and handed it to my husband. Hands shaking and heart beating out of my chest, I sat while begging him to open it. Quite an emotional experience for both of us. We were both scared beyond belief. Excited about "what if this is the one" yet terrified that this was a cruel joke.
4. Did your first pregnancy influenced your other(s)? In what ways?
The first pregnancy was sheer excitement! My husband had just come home from deployment and we couldn't believe how quickly we were pregnant!! This pregnancy (our fourth) has been spent with more ups and downs you could imagine. We are extremely excited about our pregnancy and adventure but it took us a long way to get here. It has taken me a long time to believe this is really the baby we'll bring home.
5. What are your fears (if any) related to delivery? What are you most excited about?
My fear would have to be we'd reach delivery and still wouldn't bring her home. Some say I should just think positive thoughts and not think about that...we've made it this far so why wouldn't we bring her home. Well, with three losses it's difficult to put all the fears away forever. Sometimes, they sneak right back into the mind. I am most excited about seeing my husband with Abigail. I often forget he's waited a long time for her too. Being able to see him with her will be the best feeling in the world
My name is Vicky and I am a fourth grade teacher in Newport News. My husband and I moved to Virginia about 3 years ago for his job. We have been married for a little over three years. We've experienced recurrent pregnancy loss, three to be exact, and we are currently 33 weeks pregnant with our daughter Abigail.
2. You open up about your miscarriage in your own blog – did people treat you differently after hearing the news? What was the one question that kept reoccurring (or was there one)?
I do open up about miscarriage on my blog. I feel it is extremely important for others to be made aware of miscarriage so they may help someone in a time of need. Or so they may find some help if they ever find themselves in a time of need.
My first thought to "did people treat me differently" was not at all. But I was thinking about it from a negative perspective. There were people that treated me differently though. There were friends that opened up about their miscarriage(s) that I had NO idea they'd experienced this type of loss. There were some people who gave every idea of condolences you could imagine- from "it just wasn't meant to be" to "at least it was during pregnancy and you didn't have to experience the loss of a living child."
The question that recurred after each loss could boil down to "why you?" I never had an answer to that question though. Why me? I don't know. What I do know is I've been able to help others understand what it feels like to experience recurrent pregnancy loss. I've helped others understand sometimes we (those that experience pregnancy loss) don't need you to fix us, we just need someone to sit with...cry with...pray with...and sometimes even just to pretend everything is normal. So, why me? Maybe I had to endure all of this to show others that even though it sucks, we will come out a stronger person.
3. What were your initial feelings when you realized you were pregnant? What do you remember about that day and the events leading up to finding out you were pregnant?
My initial feeling when we realized we were pregnant this time was fear. On edge. Reluctant. Fear of the unknown. On edge to wonder if this was the baby we'd meet on this side of Heaven. Reluctant to feel any kind of excitement for fear of losing this one too.
My husband and I went to South Carolina to visit my family during my spring break from teaching. I started feeling sniffly and just plain icky towards the end of our visit but I chalked it up to the weather changes and the nasty pollen. On our way back to Virginia, I felt terribly ill with nausea...I couldn't handle the drive at all. I just wanted to sleep and hope when I woke we'd be back in Virginia. Something told me to take a pregnancy test but I knew it was going to be negative. It was too early to tell! It was only a week and a half after my last cycle. So when we got home I tested, knowing it would be negative. There was no way I could be pregnant. We'd been tracking everything. It was the absolute longest three minutes of my life. Since I knew it was going to be negative, I didn't tell my husband I was testing because I didn't want him to get his hopes up. Well, it was positive. Very positive. No doubt about it positive. I ended up finding a baby boy outfit and a baby girl outfit that we'd stored from my sisters, put them in a gift bag, and handed it to my husband. Hands shaking and heart beating out of my chest, I sat while begging him to open it. Quite an emotional experience for both of us. We were both scared beyond belief. Excited about "what if this is the one" yet terrified that this was a cruel joke.
4. Did your first pregnancy influenced your other(s)? In what ways?
The first pregnancy was sheer excitement! My husband had just come home from deployment and we couldn't believe how quickly we were pregnant!! This pregnancy (our fourth) has been spent with more ups and downs you could imagine. We are extremely excited about our pregnancy and adventure but it took us a long way to get here. It has taken me a long time to believe this is really the baby we'll bring home.
5. What are your fears (if any) related to delivery? What are you most excited about?
My fear would have to be we'd reach delivery and still wouldn't bring her home. Some say I should just think positive thoughts and not think about that...we've made it this far so why wouldn't we bring her home. Well, with three losses it's difficult to put all the fears away forever. Sometimes, they sneak right back into the mind. I am most excited about seeing my husband with Abigail. I often forget he's waited a long time for her too. Being able to see him with her will be the best feeling in the world